What Major Religious Traditions Teach About Marriage and Family Life

Tamil communities include Hindus, Christians and Muslims, and Tamil literature also carries a Buddhist heritage — the epic Manimekalai is a Buddhist work. Many families are therefore touched by more than one tradition. This overview summarises, in our own words, what the main traditions teach about marriage, pointing to the texts themselves so readers can go further. It is descriptive, not prescriptive: for guidance on your own practice, speak to a trusted religious teacher of your tradition.

Hindu traditions

Hinduism is not a single church with one rulebook; Saiva, Vaishnava, Smarta and many folk and regional traditions coexist, and Tamil Hindu practice has its own history. Several ideas nevertheless recur:

• Marriage as a life-cycle rite. Marriage (vivaha) is counted among the samskaras, the rites that mark the stages of life. The Rig Veda's wedding hymn (Book 10, Hymn 85) already contains the groom taking the bride's hand for good fortune (verse 36) and the blessing that the couple remain together, never parted, for a full life (verse 42).
• The householder's life. Traditional teaching presents the householder stage (grihastha) as the setting in which people care for family, guests, society and the religious life of the home — a stage of responsibility, not merely of personal happiness.
• Friendship between spouses. In the seven steps of the Vedic ceremony, the last step is taken for friendship (Āśvalāyana Gṛhya Sūtra 1.7.19).
• Tamil ethical tradition. The Thirukkural, read by Tamils of many faiths, praises home life guided by love and virtue (Kural 45) and calls domestic life, rightly lived, a form of virtue in itself (Kural 49).

Classical texts generally describe marriage as lifelong. In modern times the law in India and elsewhere permits divorce, and attitudes within Hindu communities vary widely. The Tamil self-respect movement, for its part, rejected priestly rites altogether in favour of a simple mutual declaration.

Christianity

Tamil Christians belong to the Catholic Church and to several Protestant churches. Their shared scriptures offer a number of passages central to Christian thinking about marriage:

• Genesis 2:24 describes a man leaving his father and mother to be united with his wife, the two becoming "one flesh" — a picture of a new household formed by the couple.
• Mark 10:6–9 records Jesus teaching that what God has joined together, no one should separate — the basis of the Christian ideal of lifelong marriage.
• 1 Corinthians 13:4–7, often read at weddings, describes love as patient, kind, not envious or boastful, and enduring.
• Ephesians 5:21–33 opens with a call to submit to one another and asks husbands to love their wives self-sacrificially. How the passage's language about headship and submission should be read is debated among Christians, with some emphasising distinct roles and others emphasising equality.

Churches differ on important points. The Catholic Church teaches that marriage between baptised Christians is a sacrament — a covenant forming "a partnership of the whole of life" ordered to the good of the spouses and to children (Catechism, §1601) — and does not recognise divorce, although it may declare a marriage null. Most Protestant churches regard marriage as a sacred covenant but not a sacrament, and many permit divorce and remarriage in certain circumstances.

Islam

Tamil-speaking Muslims in Tamil Nadu, Sri Lanka and the diaspora understand marriage (nikah) as a contract entered with the consent of both partners, before witnesses, and as a practice strongly encouraged in the Prophet's example. Key Qur'anic passages include:

• Qur'an 30:21 — spouses are created so that each may find tranquillity in the other, with affection and mercy placed between them.
• Qur'an 2:187 — spouses are described as garments for one another, an image of closeness, protection and comfort.
• Qur'an 4:19 — husbands are told to live with their wives in kindness, and women must not be treated as property to be inherited against their will.
• Qur'an 4:4 — the bridal gift (mahr) is to be given to the bride and belongs to her.

The Prophetic tradition (hadith) also stresses the woman's consent to her marriage (for example, Sahih al-Bukhari 5136) and describes the best of people as those who are best to their families (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 3895). Divorce is permitted under defined procedures and is widely regarded as a last resort. Detailed rules differ between schools of Islamic law and are best discussed with a qualified scholar.

Buddhism

In most Buddhist traditions marriage is regarded as a social and civil matter rather than a religious sacrament; monks do not traditionally conduct weddings, though couples often seek their blessing. The early texts nevertheless give practical guidance on married life:

• The Sigalovada Sutta (Dīgha Nikāya 31) sets out reciprocal duties. A husband is to treat his wife with respect, never disparage her, be faithful, give her authority in the home and provide for her; a wife is to manage the household well, be hospitable to both families, be faithful, safeguard what the household earns and be diligent.
• The Samajivina Sutta (Aṅguttara Nikāya 4.55) says that a couple who wish to stay together are helped by being in harmony in faith, ethical conduct, generosity and wisdom.

Buddhism has a long history in the Tamil lands, and today Tamil–Sinhala and other interfaith families in Sri Lanka and abroad often meet Buddhist and Hindu or Christian traditions within the same household.

Shared themes and important differences

The differences are just as important and should not be blurred:

• What marriage is: a sacred rite of passage, a sacrament, a contract, or a social institution with religious blessing.
• Divorce: not recognised in Catholic teaching; permitted in various circumstances in Protestant churches, in Islam and in modern Hindu practice, with very different attitudes and procedures.
• Roles: each tradition contains passages about the roles of husband and wife that believers interpret in more traditional or more egalitarian ways.
• Marrying across faiths: some traditions have specific rules about marrying outside the faith, which vary between denominations and schools. See our article on interfaith and intercultural marriage.